Letters to Cookie

 

Dear Cookie, 

It’s been 5 months since you passed away and each day without you has been a nightmare for me. I miss you so much :(. 

The 28 of each month is never going to be the same now not only are you gone but my grandma also passed away in her sleep, on April 28. We were about to have dinner when my moms sister called her to tell her the news. My mom cried and cried. She still cries and says what is she going to do without her mom. It’s so sad seeing my mom like that. Also I never told anyone this, but ever since that call I get scared when my mom gets phone calls because now I’m scared that they’re going to tell her that her dad passed away. *knocks on wood* 

Moving on. Remember that cat I said that stopped by the house in my last post. Well it came again, but this time it was on my dads birthday May 20. I really liked to think that it was you who came to wish my dad a happy birthday that day. I was also feeling a little sad that day because we went to the store (yes, I’m starting to go out a little more now… are you proud of me?) anyways, when ever we go to that store I would always go to the dog isle and look at the beds, treats & clothes and I laugh and told my mom. I almost told you I’ll be right back I’m going to go look at the dog stuff. She then tells me I was gonna tell you ok go. When I was walking around the store by myself. Without thinking I naturally walked over to the dog stuff and I saw all the cute clothes & treats and knowing I can’t buy you anything anymore breaks my heart. Knowing I can’t even shower you with love anymore <\3. 

I just wanted to say also, that the mind is one powerful thing because I was just looking at one of your pictures. The last one I took of you on Christmas. You looked so happy and my mind quickly told me “she’s smiling and taking in all the smiling faces around her because she knows she’s going to pass soon.” Thinking that made me cry. So yeah.

On Thursday May 26 I was feeling a little said because I took a shower that day and I Was remembering how I used to give you a bath and tell you I promise you if you’re good during bath time when you get out I’ll give you a treat.

Yesterday Friday May 27 my brother made me feel even more sad over your passing. He shows my mom a clip from a show of a woman telling her sister who is in a hospital bed dead and says to her If I wasn’t poor you’d still be living. After he says that my brother goes “this is Jessica and Cookie”. I tried to ignore it because I didn’t want to get sad, but he kept on talking and talking. I finally said “no things happen for a reason. It was Cookies time to go.” He then says “no but it’s true if you had more money you could’ve taken Cookie to the vet earlier.” I already had tears in my eyes by this point and I finally say “I’m going to say this in the nicest way I can but please stop… you’re making me feel bad” he walks away and I’m left crying. 

I hope I was able to give you a good life and that you were happy the years you lived with me. Writing you these letter even knowing you can’t read these brings me some sort of peace. Lastly, before I end this letter I want to say have you played with your best Alaskan husky friend LaLa yet? or you’re too busy catching up with your dog mom Rosie. Also I hope you’re enjoying the flowers I put by your ashes and picture. Remember you’re welcome to come and visit us any time you want and come and cuddle with me in bed.

See you in my next letter. I miss you and I’m sending you so many hugs & kisses up to heaven so make sure you get them <3